


People Lie All the Time

by dizbil



Series: Pinned And Mounted [3]
Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: M/M, Manhandling, Rimming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-09
Updated: 2013-02-09
Packaged: 2017-11-28 17:20:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/676939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dizbil/pseuds/dizbil
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jensen might be Jared's living fantasy but that doesn't meant he's not as damaged as Jared is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	People Lie All the Time

When you look at yourself in the mirror, what exactly what do you see? Something you like, someone you hate? It’s usually hard to define. Yet, when Jensen looked at himself in the mirror all he ever saw was what people expected and wanted to see. Someone beautiful, someone strong, someone walking tall with a certain kind of confidence. So it was exactly what Jensen gave them. To every single one of them.  
  
And once again, staring at the mirror of the hotel’s bathroom, Jensen was asking himself if he got it right this time. If this was what his client wanted to see. Jensen called them his clients because they were part of his second job. He knew it was fucked up, but it was just another part of this steady life. Some people enjoy playing golf, others became compulsive buyers other the years... Jensen just liked the feeling of a big fat cock deep inside of him.  
  
Just like Jared’s cock for instance.  
  
Jensen bit down his lower lip, hard, staring at his own reflection. He looked the same. It was the worse. He looked exactly the same as he was weeks ago before he met Jared. Beautiful. Ravishable. Jensen wasn’t stupid, he knew he was beautiful, and unlike most people he wasn’t ashamed to use it. A knock on the door of the bathroom brought him back to reality.  
  
“A moment please, coming in a few minutes.”  
  
Usually, Jensen would have chuckled at his own sentence, yes he was about to come in a few minutes, preferably from being so hard he would feel like combusting deep inside, goosebumps all over his skin. Yes, Jensen cherished that feeling, even if lately it had been hard to achieve. All because of Jared.  
  
Jensen shook his head and started undressing, carefully folding his clothes, still looking at his own reflection. His similar double probably asking what the fuck he was doing here? Or maybe it was just Jeffrey’s voice inside his head again? Jensen couldn’t tell, all he saw was his own green eyes, the wrinkles at the corner of them, the freckles and... Just him. He paused when he was half naked, pressing his hands against the sink, getting close to his own reflection.  
  
“I am going to do this, going to get out and get fucked like the good little boy that I am.”  
  
Because maybe Jensen was only that, a little boy running away since he was fifteen. Except that Jensen didn’t want to talk about it and he didn’t want anyone to analyze him. He had Jeffrey to protect him and that was all he needed. On that thought, Jensen stepped out of his pants and his underwear without even thinking about it.  
  
He ran one hand inside of his hair while the other one was on his own cock, slowly stroking. Always being half hard and make the other believe he made you like that. Just a white little lie, but Jensen’s other job wasn’t about making people feel good or bad about their performances in bed. It was just about great fucking. With this client and also with Jared. Jensen hissed a little as his thumb rubbed against his tip, just the thought of Jared quickening his breathing.  
  
“No.” Jensen looked up at his reflection, letting go of his cock. No, Jared was supposed to become addicted to him. Not the other way around... Jensen didn’t know anymore and it had zero importance as he pushed the door of the bathroom facing his client.  
  
Mr Pellegrino. Or Mark, but Jensen never got to call him Mark. Maybe while they were having sex but then again... Jensen had no control of what he was saying while they were fucking, way too busy feeling, and after all, it was what Jensen needed. He smiled a little seeing the man’s eyes linger on his body. “Well... You took your time.” Mr Pellegrino replied, sitting on the bed, he spread his legs and it was enough for Jensen to understand.  
  
Because this was simple, Jensen knew how to handle that. He would get down on his knees and he would get his mouth fucked and then Mr Pellegrino would turn him around and fuck him, hard and fast, in and out. What could possibly be simpler than that? Jensen didn’t think when he was in this position, he rubbed his cheek against the other man’s crotch, heart beating fast at the feeling of a hard cock.  
  
And no, he wasn’t disappointed it wasn’t Jared's, no, he wasn’t disturbed by the scent of cologne that was so unfamiliar. No, that wasn’t him. Jensen undid the zipper slowly, one hand slipping fast inside the underwear, finger circling the cock.  
  
“Yes, that’s it Jensen...”  
  
 **That.**  
  
Jensen looked up to Mr Pellegrino’s face, battling his eyes lashes the right way, knowing his gaze will be more intense as he pushed his underwear as down as he could, mouth automatically landing around his hard cock.  
  
 **That was him.**  
  
So he will have his private mental breakdown later.  
  
¤∼¤  
  
An hour later, Jensen was stepping out of his car, an empty expression on his face. It had taken him years to be able to show nothing on his face. He used to blush all the damn time and for no reason, cry a lot too. But all of that was behind him and now it took a lot to break his mask. Jensen was proud of it, and he was wearing it like a woman would have wore a jewelery, with pride and absolutely no sense of shame.  
  
Actually, it only broke when he was having sex or when he was with Jeffrey. The first one was because he was a complete whore, in every sense of the term and the second because Jeffrey kinda saved his life. If it weren’t for him, Jensen would have probably died in the streets years ago. Okay, maybe Jensen was exaggerating a little but he was truly grateful for everything Jeff had done for him over the years.  
  
Jensen closed the door of his car as he was stepping outside, glancing at his own reflection into the shiny black mustang he was driving. A gift from one of his oldest clients. Not Mr Pellegrino, he had met Mark at Starbucks a few months ago and Jensen couldn’t say no to him, besides being attractive as hell he was also a perfect client : discreet, always going to the point and, very important, he paid Jensen a lot, adding some extra money every time he was really pleased. And Jensen made sure he was always pleased. Because that was the agreement he was passing with every single one of his client.  
  
Except Jared.  
  
If Jensen had been honest with Jared from the start, Jared would have never been able to afford him in the first place. Jensen wasn’t cheap and he was actually proud of that. Jensen chuckled at his own reflection, running both hands on his too expensive suit before leaving the parking lot, making his way to the hospital.  
  
Yes, the hospital. With a second job like his, Jensen had to make sure he was clean. He was a professional and the last thing he wanted was to catch a disease. But off course it was all a bunch of crap knowing that Jensen let Jared shoot straight up in the ass every fucking god damn time they were having sex. Which, of course, made Jared very special.  
  
Why? Coming between his plush lips, Jensen allowed every client to do it, but in his ass? No, they all knew the rules when it came to him bottoming, condom or get lost. Jared’s cock was just the lucky one, that was it. It had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that Jensen absolutely loved the idea of Jared marking him, leaving his trail and his scent everywhere on him and deep inside of him, and that being the main reason he always loved when Jared get rough with him, biting him, his big palms on his hips, just pounding and pounding inside of Jensen with that glorious cock of his...  
  
Jensen paused in front of the entrance of the hospital, half hard. Jesus fuck. He took a deep breath closing his eyes, swallowing down the sudden urge to call Jared and make an appointment himself. It was too tempting, especially with how they parted last time, Jared clamming him on the floor. It had been a week right now and no call from Jared and for once, Jensen didn’t know what was going on with the other man. Did he still want Jensen? Would he end all of this? If yes, Jensen could totally see why.  
  
Spanking a grown up man and talking to him about his own issues wasn’t a sure way to break the ice. But Jared was loving and caring, Jensen knew that, just like he knew he was a complete mystery for him. So he would call back. Jensen was more calm now and he rolled his eyes when his phone rang. It was probably Danneel. He knew he was right when he saw the number, wondering what was his secretary wanted from him when he had asked her not to be disturbed for the next 3 hours when he had left his office that morning.  
  
Jensen didn’t want to think about Danneel now, don’t get him wrong, he cared deeply for her and they were great friends and in another life, one where Jensen would have been into women instead of big thick cocks, they could have been together. But not in this life. Danneel was a part of his normal life with a regular job.    
  
“Yes Dan?” He said as he finally picked up. “It better be important.” Jensen’s eyes landed on an ambulance arriving as she answered.  
  
“Yeah I know, no disturbance but guess who decided to not send us the manuscript of his new book?”  
  
“Mr Roché... Fuck not again... Did you try to convince him?”  
  
Jensen ran one hand over his hair, scratching the back of his head. For the rest of the world, he was Jensen Ackles, owner of one of the best publishing house of the country. Why this job you might ask? Well, it was mostly Jeffrey’s fault, but Jensen was good with people and he loved books, so he figured why not when he was twenty three. And here he was ten years later, juggling with meetings and dealing with stupid fucking authors that called themselves artists.  
  
Jensen sighed before he finally answered. “Tell him I am coming over to his place tomorrow whether he likes it or not and he better have something written by then.”  
  
“Okay, noted, when are you coming back to the office? Chris wants to show you the cover of some new books, he needs your approval as usual...”  
  
Jensen could sense some sarcasm on Danneel’s voice and he smiled. “Dan, don’t be too hard on him please.”  
  
“I would be as soon as he stops hitting on me with lame pick up lines... I swear this is pathetic. When are you coming back anyway?”  
  
“Give me an half hour... I need to stop to Jeffrey’s office.”  
  
“Okay, be careful.”  
  
“Always.”  
  
Jensen hung up looking at his phone. Sometimes he wondered if Danneel knew about his other job... He wasn’t hard to see that Jensen could afford things way better than his salary allowed him too. Jensen frowned entering the hospital. He knew the way, after years of doing this, of course he knew the way and it was still fun to see the shock on the nurses face giving him the results when they saw what exactly he was tested for. Small pleasures in life, like Jensen usually said.  
  
And as he pressed himself against the reception desk, Jensen’s eyes fell on the nicest ass he had ever seen in a while in some green hospital scrubs. Jensen licked his lips absently, the need to spank that ass growing stronger. The man turned around and Jensen did his best to keep his neutral face on as he was facing a young man with short black hair, marvelous green eyes, pale skin and fuck... his Adam’s apple was popping out of his hospital uniform and Jensen would have love to wrap his lip around it and rip off his scrubs and fuck him right there. On the reception desk.  
  
But all Jensen did was smile back at … Matt (bless whoever had invented tag name) when he looked up to him.  
  
“What can I do for you sir?”  
  
“A lot of things actually.” replied instantly Jensen, eyes still traveling all over Matt’s body.  
  
Jensen could see even through the scrubs how built and strong he was, but no doubt Jensen could pin him against the desk. Usually, Jensen liked to be fucked, not the other way around, but he could make an exception for Matt. Yeah... Jensen thought as Matt leaned against the desk so their faces were really close. So close in fact, Jensen could see Matt’s green eyes were a different shade from his and how appealing his lips look.  
  
Jensen was definitely hard again. Matt smiled, a slight blush on his face as he finally answered. “Hmm... What are you here for?”  
  
“Tests results. The name’s Ackles, Jensen.”  
  
“Okay, Jensen, just let me... Let me have a look.” Matt blushed harder and Jensen smiled as he was leaving. Fuck. It had been a long time since he had wanted to fuck someone that hard, so hard he was probably looking at Matt the way Jared was... Jensen erased that thought fingers shaking as Matt was returning a file in his hands.  
  
“Here you go... All good, nothing to worry about.” Matt’s smile was radiant but Jensen’s one had disappeared. He couldn’t do it. Usually he would have been all over Matt and probably would have given him a sneak peak of what he could have in the bathroom. But no. He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t bring someone else into his messy and fucked up life. Hell, the last time he did it, it had been with Jared and looked how it turned out...  
  
“Really? Good to know. Well I guess I’m just gonna...”  
  
“Do you have a number?” Matt was still smiling and from the look on his face Jensen could tell he didn’t do this often and it had probably took a lot of courage for Matt to ask Jensen that. Matt was a sweet guy, Jensen could tell, still young and he was new in the hospital. Probably just an intern out of med school, he surely spent the last years studying and only went out to get drunk with his friends on fridays, careless and free.  
  
  
“Sure, I’ll give you my number.” Jensen took a card out of his back pocket and placed it in front of Matt. Because yes, Jensen was weak like that. “But a little advice Matt...”  
  
“Hmm?”  
  
“Don’t call me.”  
  
With a last wink, Jensen left the hospital. Matt would call Jensen knew it, and the worst part? He would do nothing else to stop this from happening.  
  
¤∼¤  
  
Jensen was in a better mood however when he stopped in front of Jeffrey’s office. He had two coffees in hands and didn’t waste time waiting for the elevator, climbing the stairs, a little smile on his face. Whatever fucked thing was going on inside his head, Jeffrey would be able to sort it out. Just like he always did, because that what was friends did for each other right? Jeffrey was Jensen’s only friend... Oh and maybe Danneel, like when there was that special concern in her voice or the smile she only had for Jensen. Okay, maybe two friends.  
  
And Jensen didn’t see this as a problem. He just didn’t know what to expect from a friendship, what to give and what to get. Yes, with Jensen, it was all about defined limits, Jeffrey knew him like no one else so he was allowed to screw up. And Danneel worked for him... So he was allowed to screw up. That was it, he was 33 and he was totally fine with that, what most men of his age were doing anyway? Looking for a house to buy? Jensen did have a house, a solid job, he was okay. Not fine, or happy, but okay.  
  
He sighed, in the hallway before he met Samantha’s eyes, Jeffrey’s assistant.  
  
“Jensen... didn’t expect to see you today. Don’t you have a job or something, son?”  
  
Jensen chuckled, pushing one of the coffees to the woman. “Sam, is that a way to treat someone bringing you coffee? Especially when it’s your favorite?”  
  
“Well...” Samantha took a sip of the coffee and Jensen knew he had won when he saw her smile grew bigger. “Fine, you got me, you can go, but only twenty minutes okay? He gotta eat before his afternoon meetings... Understood?"  
  
Samantha’s eyes lingered on the door to Jeffrey’s office and Jensen smiled. It was mostly why he liked the woman, she cared about Jeffrey a lot, probably as much as Jensen did, and it was good, his good friend needed someone like her in his life. Something steady and good. Not that Jeffrey would admit it out loud, he was a stubborn son of a bitch just like Jensen so...  
  
“Understood, I’ll be quick, just enjoy your coffee Sam.”  
  
Jensen winked at her before heading to the office. He didn’t even bother knocking he just stepped inside, not surprised to see Jeffrey in a middle of a phone call. He was talking loudly to someone and apparently he was pissed... Damn he was hot as hell when he was pissed.  
  
Jensen lost some precious minutes staring at the older man, how his shirt was clenched to his broad shoulders, his Adam apple popping out of his shirt and moving as he spoke making his tie move in the process and off course the beard... They stopped having sex regularly years ago but the need was just there, deep inside his stomach and sometimes Jensen just needed Jeffrey to fuck him hard.  
  
Making love with Jeffrey felt like coming back home after a summer afternoon, Jensen was tired and thirsty and he just needed someone to hold onto, and not even caring about the performance and just let go. It had been seven months since they’d had sex, it was before Jared and everything went to hell in Jensen’s life, Jensen had begged the man to get inside of him and it had been sweet and slow. Just like Jensen needed, but then again, Jeffrey always seemed to be able to sense what he needed, without having Jensen struggle to get the right words. And no, Jensen wasn’t good with words.  
  
Jeffrey finally spotted him and gave him a smile, before rolling his eyes and pointing the phone. Jensen chuckled and then he handed him his coffee, Jeffrey took it and winked at him, going back to his conversation. “Yes, yes I understand however that’s not how it works Mr Kripke. No...” Difficult client it seemed. Jensen took off his jacket, rolled up his sleeves and popped open the first buttons of his shirt. He then looked up and saw Jeffrey watching him, and was that interest in his eyes? Hell yeah.  
  
Jensen had a smirk on his face now as he leaned close to Jeffrey, his hands pushing the other man on his chair. Jeffrey glared at him as Jensen sat down on his lap like it was nothing, like he couldn’t feel Jeffrey’s semi hard on pressed against his ass, and thus despite the layers of clothing. Jensen took the coffee from his hand and put it back on the desk before he moved his hips, rubbing against Jeffrey.  
  
The man hissed and Jensen laughed. “I’m gonna have to call you back.” Jeffrey said before he hung up. “What are you doing Jensen?” he asked as the latter was wrapping his arms around his neck.  
  
“What? I’m just bringing you coffee.” Answered Jensen with the most innocent tone ever. He rolled his hips down again, only stopped by Jeffrey’s firm hands on them. Just like that Jensen’s smirk was back on.  
  
“I said... what are you doing Jensen?”  
  
“Well... You look stressed… And I happen to know a good way to relieve the tension.”  
  
“Oh I’m sure you do... But no.”  
  
“I can make you change your m...”  
  
“Jensen you’ve got three seconds to get off me.”  
  
Jensen raised one eye brow, Jeffrey did look serious, a little bit too much then. And Jensen just had to push him more. “And if I don’t... Are you going to punish me like you usually did back when I was 15?”  
  
“One.”  
  
“Okay fine, fine, I’m moving...” Jensen sighed as he get up elegantly, ending sitting on the desk instead, glaring at Jeffrey. “You used to be fun. And don’t tell me that wasn’t your cock right against my ass two seconds ago.”  
  
“Aaaah... Jensen, Jensen, Jensen...” Jeffrey sighed as he get up, taking back his coffee. “What it is with you and cock? Especially knowing you had Mr Pellegrino’s inside of you a few hours ago?” Jeffrey smiled knowingly, lips on the cup. How did he... Jensen stopped smiling, on his two feet now.  
  
“Did you... Jesus fuck... Did you follow me? I’m... damn it Jeffrey it’s...” Jensen sighed, hating losing control of himself like that and went as far away as he could from Jeffrey, sitting on one of the seat of his office. Losing control wasn’t supposed to happen to him, never. He rubbed his hands on his pants, trying to calm down.  
  
“First of all Jensen... I didn’t follow you, please give me a little more credit than that, I have enough money to pay someone to do that.” That managed to make Jensen smile a little, and he looked up to the man.  
  
“Okay fine... But why would you waste your money on me like that… hmmm? If you want to know who I fuck, you just have to ask me, you don’t need to do this...” Jensen wanted an answer and he wanted it now, Jeffrey had crossed a big line and if there was something Jensen was proud of it was keeping his two life distinct and separated and of course, give some privacy to his clients.  
  
But Jeffrey just stared at him, sipping quietly his coffee. So Jensen waited until finally Jeffrey threw the cup away, coming close to Jensen, kneeling in front of him. That couldn’t be good. No. Jensen didn’t like the way Jeffrey was looking at him right now, hands on his.  
  
“Jensen... are you okay?”  
  
“I’m fine, answer the fucking question please.”  
  
“Always charming, you don’t treat your client like that, do you?”  
  
“Why do you give a fuck? You never asked before.”  
  
“It’s true... Should have.”  
  
Jeffrey paused again and for whatever reason Jensen’s heart raced a little. Now, he wanted to get the hell out of here. No, he wasn’t fine, he wasn’t okay, he had let that client fuck his mouth, fuck his ass when every fiber of himself was screaming no, when every cell he had in him wanted something else, someone else. But no. He wasn’t giving in. He wasn’t going to need Jared like that. It was wrong, it was fucked up, it was messed up, he didn’t have any right over Jared.  
  
Hell... All he knew about that guy was that he was a damn psychologist with a god like cock and a beautiful smile. Oh and a sweet tooth too, yeah, Jared like things with sugar in it, he would stay silent when he wasn’t sure of something and he liked running on sundays... Nothing to go on.  
  
“I was just worried Jensen okay? I want you to be okay. I just wanted to make sure you weren’t doing anything reckless.”  
  
Jensen snarled at that, rolling his eyes. “You are a fucking hypocrite. I’ve been selling my ass for years, why do you care now?”  
  
Jeffrey smiled, just he always did when he knew Jensen had done something he shouldn’t have and he stood up. “Oh... I’m the hypocrite. Tell me Jensen... Why you don’t make Jared pay like any other client? Why does Jared get to meet me? And most importantly, why you’re not using a condom with Jared when you do with any other client? Hmmm?”  
  
“I...”  
  
Jensen had no word and he just closed his mouth, green eyes on Jeffrey. Or maybe he did have an answer and he didn’t want to find out what it was. Or maybe there were no words for what he felt for Jared. The need to satisfy him and leave the man a mess when he was done with him. The knowledge that he was the only one to make Jared this hard, or this out of control. Jesus fuck, Jensen was shaking now, slowly feeling tears at the corner of his eyes. No.  
  
He closed his eyes, rubbing his hands on his knees. No. “I need a fucking cigarette.” He declared a moment later, eyes still closed. When he opened them, Jeffrey was handing him one and Jensen took it without hesitation, grabbing the lighter from Jeffrey’s hands too. And as the smoke filled up his lungs, he didn’t feel any better, he felt pathetic... So much for the control.  
  
“You know Jensen... You are allowed to be happy right?” Jensen laughed at that, bringing the cigarette to his lips again before he answered.  
  
“Really Jeffrey... from all the things you could say... You tell me this? That’s not helping just so you know.”  
  
“I know, but you’re never listening to me, so I’m trying a different approach. It’s just... Jensen... You’re not the scared little boy I found in the streets years ago, your dad was wrong saying those things to you, look what you turned into.”  
  
Jensen laughed again, dry and bitter, slowly finishing his smoke. His dad had every right to tell him the things he did the night Jensen ran away from home. Jensen could see why the man did now, maybe he had seen how broken and wrong his own son was. Who knew?  
  
“Nope, Jeffrey, I just upgraded... Now I’m a high class whore... Don’t tell me I can be happy, that’s bullshit and you know it.”  
  
Jensen threw the remains of the cigarette on the carpet, standing up. He really wanted to go now. But Jeffrey grabbed him by the arm, one hand ending on Jensen’s hips, finally giving him the contact he wanted.  
  
“You can stop whenever you want Jensen, okay? You’re not 15 anymore for god’s sake. Do you want Jared in your life or not?”  
  
“You know the answer.” whispered Jensen.  
  
“Then do what you have to do and just... have a normal life, I screwed you up Jensen and I’m sorry but …”  
  
“Jeffrey shut up, you saved my life, yes we did have sex but what? You didn’t force me... So please stop, it’s not... Stop. Don’t tell me you regret or I swear I’m walking out and you won’t see me again, okay?”  
  
The older man nodded, swallowing down whatever he wanted to say and Jensen pressed himself against him, head inside his neck. He breathed deeply as Jeffrey wrapped his arm around his body. The first time they did this, Jensen was so small and so skinny and so afraid.  
  
“So you want Jared... I know you Jen, he is important for you. So please, stop having sex with random rich men and be a real man about this, about Jared, do the right thing, and for once have something good in your life. Not because he’s paying you or because he does it just because he has to, but because he wants to. Trust me, I wouldn’t tell you to go for it if I wasn’t sure.”  
  
Jensen simply nodded, still uncertain of what he should do. Maybe some things had changed, maybe he had spend those past few years fucking around because he knew it was meaningless, because he thought he would never find someone worth trying for.  
  
But in Jeffrey’s arms right now, he still felt so small and so afraid.  
  
¤∼¤  
  
  
When he rang Jared's doorbell, a few moments later, Jensen still smelled like cigarette. He kinda hated that fact but it was too late to back away from this, from Jared now. He could feel his phone vibrate in his pocket, Danneel probably wondering where the fuck he was but he couldn't care less. His heart was beating fast in his chest and even if he still had his neutral face on, Jensen was nervous.  
  
Yes, him nervous, for the first time in years, but Jeffrey's speech had put some pressure on him. Do the right thing. What the hell was that supposed to mean? No one could expect Jensen to drop all of this life and just be with Jared. It wasn't a book, it wasn't a movie, it was Jensen's messy and not so controlled life and most of all, him. Just him. He couldn't be rejected not now or ever.  
  
Jensen sighed and pressed the bell one more time, his new gained confidence slowly fading away. Come on Jared, he thought. He stared at the door with so much intensity, green eyes almost burning the wood that Jensen was in fact surprised when it finally opened.  
  
"Hello I'm…" Because off course, Jensen had come here a little bit prepared, he just couldn't go and pray for everything to turn all right. But he stopped talking, mouth opened as Jared was standing there. A very half naked Jared. And he was sweating. Jensen let out a happy sigh as he followed one drop of sweat with his eyes, sliding along his collarbone to his muscles and then his nipple, and finally Jared's abs and finally his fucking hips…  
  
Miles and miles of toned skin was right in front of Jensen, not to mention the jeans Jared was wearing leaving absolutely no room for imagination, the fabric seeming loose yet tight on his skin. And Jensen had come here with good intentions, right now he just wanted to misbehave. Especially seeing how Jared had to duck his head not to get hit by the top of door frame, or his big palm covering the door handle.  
  
Big, it was the right and perfect word to describe Jared and the first they met, Jensen could tell the man wasn't comfortable about that part of himself at all. Which Jensen had a little of trouble to understand: Jared was built like a god and all Jensen wanted to do was worship him with his tongue. And in Jensen's opinion, there was nothing wrong with that. And, as he smiled, he realized he had been staring at Jared's chest for a long minute now. A very long minute in fact. And when he looked up to Jared's face, he could see the obvious surprise on his face.  
  
It was another thing Jensen loved about Jared, the fact that he was so obvious. Whatever was going on inside Jared's head, Jensen could always see it through his hazel eyes, the tall man often ran his fingers though his hair when he was thinking or even that particular frown on his face when he didn't know what to do. Just like right now. And Jensen could see why.  
  
"Relax Jared… I'm not here to spank you again… Well… Unless you want me to?" Jensen was at least rewarded by Jared's smile, some of his long brown hair falling down his face as the man relaxed, his chest moving up and down as he finally breathed it seemed, his smile lightening up his whole face showing his dimples.  
  
"I'm… I'm just really surprised to see you here that's all, and you didn't call and everything I'll just… Do you want to come inside?"  
  
Asking this question, Jared was hoping for a yes, Jensen could sense it and mostly see it by the way his broad and large shoulders had moved as he asked the question.  
  
"Yes… But don't you dare putting a shirt on, deal?"  
  
Another smile as Jared pushed the door further opened, letting Jensen inside.  
  
"Deal."  
  
Jensen bypassed him, slightly brushing his shirt against Jared's naked skin in the process. He heard Jared gasp and made his way to the living room, smirk on his face. This was easy, thought Jensen, taking off his jacket and throwing it somewhere. Make Jared smile, make him gasp or harden his nipples just like they were right now as he was entering the living room himself. Jensen didn't want to fuck that up just because… Just because of a stupid and random thought, just because of some unnamed happiness.  
  
Screw happiness, why was Jensen supposed to chase it like others did? Could he catch it? Get a glimpse at it? No. He just had to let go of everything he ever did, everything he was and just hope that something, someone would be at the other side to catch him. He ran a palm over his hair finally turning to Jared. They were standing close, so close in fact that Jensen could feel the heat from Jared's body and he wanted to touch. He was fighting the urge and the need to touch and yet, he didn't know what to do and it was very obvious that Jared was waiting for him to say something or at least do something.  
  
Jensen was the one in charge in their insanely and cracked up dynamic. But Jensen didn't know what to do, what to say so he just stared at Jared, his gaze empty, wishing he could say something. He watched as Jared bit his lower lip, his eyes, which looked brown now, pleading him to say something. To do what they both needed. But it was the problem. Jensen didn't know what he needed anymore, what he was allowed to ask and what he could take away from Jared without asking. He wanted to say that he was sorry, in fact, he almost did, the words burning his tongue but Jared didn't let him talk.  
  
He covered one of Jensen's shoulder with his big palm, warm and comforting and finally said. "I was about to eat… Want to join me?" It was a simple and innocent request but it took Jensen completely off guard. Or maybe was it Jared's soft tone or even his comforting touch. He didn't even know, he just didn't expect him to take the lead for once. Jensen simply nodded, smiled on his face and he followed Jared to the kitchen. Maybe it would turn out okay after all. Yeah, maybe all Jensen had to do was to keep it quiet and everything will turn out to be just fine.  
  
Jensen chuckled at his own stupidity and Jared spun around, smile on his face. And off course, his chest still so tempting.  
  
"What's so funny?"  
  
"Nothing… Just… Nothing really."  
  
Jensen took a deep breath and sat down at the small kitchen table, watching as Jared made his way to the fridge. He bit his lower lip, hands gripping his knees tight, seeing the way his hips moved. Jensen's mouth felt suddenly dry and Jared seemed to read his thoughts as he opened the fridge and asked.  
  
"Want a beer? I don't have any wine so…"  
  
"Beer is fine too."  
  
"Okay."  
  
When Jensen turned his head Jared was right there, handing the bottle to him and Jensen tried to let himself not to be too distracted by Jared's skin as he grabbed it. He popped it open without even thinking twice and drank half of it in one long sip.  
  
"Wow… Must had been pretty thirsty."  
  
"Yeah…"  
  
Jensen put down the beer feeling like a complete idiot. He stared at it for a few seconds before he admitted softly. "Not really actually I am a little nervous."  
  
"About?"  
  
Jensen couldn't bring himself to look up to Jared's face. It was humiliating enough to admit it out loud… And yes, despite the life he lived, Jensen could feel shame, because he was comfortable with his body, he knew how it worked and how to please himself. Sex and pleasure were his areas, the flesh and the bones he knew, not this.  
  
"About you know… the whole coming to your place and having a real conversation with you. Hell I'm surprised you didn't shut the door in my face Jared…" Jensen's voice wasn't supposed to be that soft, it was supposed to be monotonous like always.  
  
"Why would I shut the door in your face Jensen?"  
  
"Well I don't know… I would have."  
  
It was Jared's turn to chuckle this time and Jensen finally looked up to him. He wasn't even looking at Jensen, he was cooking, shoulders blades and his muscles moving. He was very relaxed and Jensen couldn't help but envy him. After all, Jared wasn't new to all of this, he was used to listen people talking to them about their issues. Except that it wasn't a session, Jared wasn't supposed to act like a doctor here. Or was he?  
  
"Maybe because I've been acting like a douche with you and I didn't give you any explanation."  
  
"Oh I'm pretty sure you did… while you were spanking me."  
  
"So all you remember is my hand beating your ass red? Classy Jared."  
  
"I know." Jared turned to face him and Jensen could see that he wasn't mad at him. He looked even… happy? And honestly, Jensen couldn't see why. He couldn't see how him being in Jared's kitchen could possibly make the man happy. Jensen just shrugged and finished his beer in silence. Soon, a nice smell filled up the kitchen and it made Jensen's mouth watered.  
  
"I didn't know you could cook."  
  
"Well … I do live alone so… Had to learn."  
  
"Why do you live alone anyway? A guy like you should have a girlfriend or something…" Jensen really meant that, Jared was a good guy and good guys deserved to have the best right? Jared laughed at that, finally leaving the oven and he moved again setting up the table. Jensen was still waiting for the answer to his question, and it finally came as Jared put down a place in front of him, looking right into Jensen's eyes.  
  
"You once told me what we have is better than a relationship. And it's true. Why would I want to mess that up?"  
  
Because I am a fucking liar and a selfish bastard, thought Jensen but he kept his mouth shut because Jared did have a point. It was like Jensen was seeing a new side of Jared. And he kinda liked that side, it looked like Jared wasn't fighting what they had anymore. He wasn't ashamed of it or anything… Just like the roles had been reserved. Jensen sighed, resting his head between his two head. He was over thinking all of this as usual.  
  
"Here… Have some food, you really look like you could use it." Jensen looked up, surprised to see some pasta on his plate.  
  
"Thanks." He waited until Jared sat down before he started eating. It was good, simple but good. And Jensen's felt Jared's eyes the whole time he was focusing on his plate.  
  
"Do I have something on my face?" he asked suddenly. Jared did blush slightly, mouth full before he swallowed and answered. "No sorry… I was just wondering if I could ask you some stuff…"  
  
"About?"  
  
"About you."  
  
"Sure… Shoot." Jensen dropped his fork, not so hungry anymore and he laid back in his chair, legs crossed and eyes on Jared. Whatever question he had, he will answer honestly. Jensen never lied to Jared, the tall man just never seemed to ask the right questions, that was it. "Do you sleep with other men… And I mean other than… Jeffrey?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Do you get paid?"  
  
"Yes." Jared's fork fell to the floor at that but he didn't seem to mind, too busy looking at Jensen. And it was hurt on his face, not a hint of surprise because deep down he already knew. Just like he knew there was something wrong about Jared not paying Jensen.  
  
"Do you have another job?"  
  
"Yes I do… I actually own a publishing house."  
  
"So why do you … No never mind, don't answer that one." Jared stood up, fists clenched. And for a brief moment, Jensen thought he was going to kick him out. But he didn't, he just simply declared.  
  
"I'm not hungry anymore."  
  
"Me neither."  
  
Jensen stood up too, it seemed like the right thing to do, just like the step he made toward Jared. Jared didn't stop him so he kept walking, only to stop when he could wrap his arms around Jared's neck. Jared closed his eyes for a brief moment, taking a deep breath. When he opened them again, they were dark and it seemed suddenly like both men realized how close they were. Everything fell into place and Jensen couldn't help the moan that escape him when Jared grabbed him by the hips and lifted him up.  
  
He wrapped his legs around Jared's strong hips and didn't waste anymore time, pressing his lips against Jared's. His mouth opened quickly and Jensen moaned even more as Jared kissed him, hard and fast, his hot tongue in his mouth taking everything, warm body pressed against his and yes. Jensen's ass hit the sink but neither of them react, Jensen kissing Jared back, hands travelling on his back, trying to get him closer.  
  
Yes, yes, yes, Jensen could feel Jared's heart bit fast against his, his hard on inside his jeans, his hands tugging at Jensen's shirt and god damn that mouth of his. Jensen didn't want to part for air and their embrace was heavy and messy, just like the kiss of two teenagers, too horny and too eager to slow it down as their mouth kept sliding against each others. Jensen felt like his whole body was on fire, especially his lips and when Jared squeezed his ass, he arched into his touch and he started grinding against Jared, smiling into the kiss when he felt Jared shivering. Goodbye self control…  
  
But Jared didn't seem to have the same plan and Jensen whimpered a little bit when he parted from the kiss, pushing Jensen so he could be sat down on the sink. Jensen didn't even let him time to think, licking the corner of his mouth, hands running over his firm and sweaty chest.  
  
"Jensen… Jensen." Jared gasped as Jensen bit his earlobe. "Please… just…"  
  
"What… I really don't wanna talk right now Jared and I have a feeling like you don't really want to either." Jensen sneaked one of his hands lower, rubbing Jared's hard on through the layer, the taller man hissed at that, biting down his lower lip not to give in. "No. Jensen. There's just… There's something I wanna try, okay? We have to do it like I want okay?" Jared's tone was soft again and seeing him so close, lips still red from the kiss and chest still moving heavily, Jensen was more than puzzled.  
  
Usually Jared wouldn't need words to ask for something in their relationship, Jensen would just know and do it. However he seemed serious about this one and it made Jensen wonder. "Okay… I'll behave." Jared smiled and grabbed his face between his two hands, giving Jensen the softest kiss he ever had in a long time. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Jensen really felt like he was a virgin all over again. Even more when Jared, without asking for his permission, lifted Jensen again. Jensen was now in his arms as he was obviously leading them to the bedroom. Jensen should have said something, because he was far from being a virgin, and this wasn't a sweet romantic date. But he remained silent. After all, Jared had asked.  
  
The only sound Jensen made was a few minutes later as Jared was carefully putting him on the bed. The softness of the gesture made Jensen's toes curl and he bit down his lip, feeling so fucking stupid. This was absolutely nothing out of the ordinary, just Jared. And Jared was looking down at him, not even blinking as he started undoing the button of Jensen's shirt.  
  
"I can do…"  
  
"No, let me do it."  
  
For whatever fucked up reason, Jared's soft tone stopped Jensen right there so he took a deep breath and nodded, just laying on the bed, trying to do his best not to blush. Because yes, there was still some things Jensen didn't do in the bed, and going slow and being soft had never been on the menu for Jensen. Even Jeffrey had always been hard with him in his own way but Jared, slowly undressing him… Right now, Jared was being something completely new for Jensen. And it made his heart race and his breath go higher as Jared finally took off his shirt.  
  
"So beautiful…" Jared whispered before kissing Jensen's shoulder. Jensen felt like he should reach out and run his hand through Jared's hair or just touch him some kind of way, but he didn't, he froze right there, his skin on fire where Jared had touched him. He moaned as Jared's mouth slid on his skin going to his collarbone and Jared suck on it like a starving man, dark green eyes inside of Jensen's, their bodies pressed against each other, Jared's warm and sweaty chest against Jensen's. Fuck. Jensen was actually blushing by the time Jared reached his nipple, taking it between his teeth and biting down on it.  
  
"Jared… fuck…" Jensen gasped and arched on the cover, his hands finding Jared's firm shoulder God yes, yes, yes. "Please just…" Jensen tried to push him down, urge him to go faster but Jared let go of his nipple and made his way back to Jensen's face. "No." He pressed his lips briefly against Jensen's and took back the nipple in his mouth, sucking it until it was red. Jensen moaned loudly, head falling back to one side, his dick harder than ever trapped in his pants. He wished to god Jared would go faster, he was ready to beg, but he could do nothing as he was panting on the bed.  
  
Jared had him trapped, Jensen realized as the tall man was licking his other nipple, giving it the same treatment. Jared had him trapped and he could take whatever he wanted and he didn't need to ask permission this time, because Jensen had given him that permission the last time he came here. So Jensen did what he did best, he relaxed underneath Jared's tongue, let him explore his body, moaning as he licked the trail of freckles on his stomach, gasping when he reached his navel and throwing his head back when Jared licked the skin right above his pants.  
  
Fuck… Jensen was already sweating when Jared undid his zipper, taking off his pants and underwear in one slow move. Jensen shivered slightly feeling his own clothing brushed against his skin and he rolled his eyes as Jared took his socks off. He did seem really serious about this and it was the same focus on Jared's face as he resumed his position down between Jensen's legs.  
  
He was looking at Jensen and Jensen was staring back, so certain that the intensity of the moment would kill him. But Jared moved, firm hands against his knees, as he spread open his leg, Jensen's body pliant underneath his touch. Jared leaned down so slowly and when his lips brushed against the inside of Jensen's thigh, Jensen moaned. It was just Jared's lips, but they were gently brushing against his skin, warm and comforting.  
  
Jensen was squirming on the bed by the time Jared started kissing him right there, taking his time to taste him and gently explore his leg, kissing his way down to his ankle. He did the same for his other leg and Jensen just wish he couldn't make a sound, this was nothing, just kisses against his bare skin, he wished he could tell that to his heart and to the rest of his body, he wished he could regain some control, but he was losing it, slowly losing it.  
He arched on the bed as Jared's grabbed his ass, his fingers digging deep into the skin. And it was pure hunger into Jared's eyes as he spread Jensen's ass cheek, exposing him more than ever. Jensen knew what he was about to do but he was totally mesmerized by Jared, he wanted this, he wanted this badly, he wanted to have Jensen in every single way it was possible, leave every mark it was possible to leave on a human being. "Do it." Jensen's plea was a soft moan and Jared smiled at him. "Please… Jared do it."  
  
No need to deny that he wanted this as much as the other man that he needed this as much as Jared. And Jared wasn't disappointed, the first touch was Jared's wet tongue circling around his hole and it almost had Jensen coming right there. He gripped the sheet tight, his fists red as Jared was repeating the motion, licking him clean, his warm tongue against Jensen's hole. Fuck, and it felt marvelous, the movements were slow and so intense, Jensen could feel Jared absolutely everywhere.  
  
"Come on, come on, Jared, please… don't tease just don't… ah!" Jared thrust his tongue inside Jensen, Jensen's ring of muscle tight around him. Fuck, fucking fuck, Jensen raised his hips as Jared was getting his tongue in and out, following the rhythm, fucking Jared's face and screaming his name. And Jared just thrust harder, quickening the pace as he explored Jensen's inside, his tongue trailing saliva all over Jensen's hole.  
  
"Yes, yes, just… Jared yes…" One of Jensen's hands found Jared's hair and he gripped tight, grinding against his tongue, seeking that friction he desperately need, his tongue filling him up. The ache to be full was right there and soon and Jensen wanted more, he was already a writhing mess on the bed, Jared was already worshipping him but Jensen needed more. He needed Jared fucking him on the bed until he would be unable to talk or even remember his own name.  
  
"Jared…" Jensen gasped, Jared's tongue seem unstoppable. "Jared… Please need you to…" Jensen blinked to keep his eyes opened, biting down on his lower lip not to come, no, not until Jared would be deep inside of him. Jensen tried to move and broke their sweaty embrace and Jared understood as he retreated, looking like sin personified with his hair glued to his face and his shinny lips, his own saliva on it. He licked his lips clean as he watched Jensen, breathing hard and Jensen swore under his breath before he grabbed Jared's face, kissing him. Jared's hands came to rest on his hips and he ended the kiss when he flipped Jensen over.  
  
Jensen moaned, loud and deep as Jared's pressed all his weight against Jensen's body, his jeans rubbing his bare skin, hard on lined right next to his ass he had previously licked. Holy shit. Jensen tried to move, to get on all fours or something but Jared growled, grabbing his arms and putting them both above his arm. "I'm going to make love to you Jensen." he whispered right against his ear. "And you're just going to lay down there and take it, understand?"  
  
The words alone had Jensen moaning deep inside the pillow, he wanted to desperately to move, relieve some tension by grinding against the cover but he lay still, goosebumps on his skin as he heard the familiar sound of the zipper. Yes, yes, he was going to get it, be so fucking full he will feel it in his stomach, this was all Jensen wanted, this all Jensen needed and trusted. No happiness, no love, just Jared. And when Jared pressed himself against Jensen again, Jensen let a huge sigh escape, finally feeling the heat of Jared's skin against his own, his cock brushing against Jensen's back.  
  
"Please, Jared I…" His plea was almost swallowed by pillow but he knew Jared heard it because he pressed a gentle kiss against Jensen's shoulder, one of his hand grabbing his hips. Yes, yes, please, now. Jensen was shouting in his own head, begging for it as he didn't move, he didn't need to, Jared would give it to him. And the room was so quiet now, Jared's breathing against Jensen's skin being a comforting sound and it stayed quiet as Jensen gasped, Jared thrusting inside of him in one slow move.  
  
And oh god, Jensen gripped the bed's bars, anything to have some sort of balance, it always felt so fucking good to have Jared right there, deep inside of him, thick flesh pulsing deep inside of him, Jared's chest pressed against his back, his face against Jensen. Jared moved his hands on Jensen's hips to lift him a little, Jensen wasn't yet on his knees but the motion allowed him to feel Jared so much better.  
And then he moved… Then he moved and Jensen lost it, his body following back into the bed, as he moaned the same word over and over again, Jared so slowly going in and out of him.  
  
It was excruciating to have Jared move at that steady pace, a slow and sweat torture as he was holding back, trailing kisses all over Jensen's spine each time his sharp hipbone met his ass. This way Jensen could feel every single inch of Jared's cock, every single time he was entering him softly, so big he was literally taking Jensen's breath away and had him gasping at any move he made.  
  
This way Jensen was feeling Jared everywhere, inside of him, around him, so deep inside him that it was actually driving him crazy as he was moaning, thinking that Jared must have been in his bones too. No way he could feel that hot, that good and… Jensen turned slightly his head, catching a glimpse at Jared so beautiful and so focused, like he was determined to break Jensen. It wasn't difficult to do, his dick was breaking all his walls of resistance and each moans was Jensen giving up and Jared getting in. Jensen wanted to come, so badly, if only he was allowed to move he would have grabbed his own cock and make himself come right there, impaled on Jared's cock, but no, Jared's request, his rules.  
  
So Jensen just laid there, taking it gently like the good boy he was. And honestly it could have been hours or minutes, Jensen didn't even know anymore, his throat was so dry, he couldn't scream, just arch and shiver of the feeling of Jared's cock was filling him up, so slowly, so gently, Jared's tender kisses making him felt so loved. Jensen's release surprised him because his body reacted on his own and he gripped the sheet tighter than ever as he came, finally moving, pushing back against Jared's cock, he didn't want this to end, this was okay, this was good. But Jensen had already made a mess on the bed and on himself, sticky hot come against his stomach, and Jared grabbed him by the hair and lifted him up, kissing him the best he could in this position, his hips still moving in circles, deep inside of Jensen.  
  
He came too, just like that, kissing Jensen, buried in him, and as their lips parted they both fell back on the bed. Jensen whimpered when Jared wrapped one arm around him, his body finally content, sore and tired, resting with Jared still in him. Jensen looked up to the wall, feeling Jared's breath against his nape.  
  
He wanted to scream, he wanted to yell because he didn't know anymore. This wasn't what he usually did with his clients, nobody ever treated his body like a real temple and he wanted to scream because he wanted Jared to treat him like a real whore. But he was too late. He was too late and Jensen would probably run away like a scared little boy: call Matt and fuck him senseless just to prove a point. He breathed deeply, pressing himself against Jared.  
  
Maybe later. Right now it was good to feel loved.  
  
→


End file.
